Nowadays, infidelity is on the HIGH….I will agree with Cyndi Lauper when she said in her song Time After Time…”there is nothing new….” Right from the ancient times there have been issues of infidelities in marriages.
Often times we see and hear about unfaithfulness in Marriages. Yes, many Marriages failed due to infidelity on the part of the husband or wife. If you are curious enough to know about the causes of these infidelities; it can have many root causes…. for example, it could be that the man is not doing his conjugal duty enough to sexually satisfy the woman as a man or it could be that the woman does not know how to satisfy the husband sexually as well. As crazy as it may sound, poverty and lack of care by the man can lead a woman into infidelity; when a woman cannot eat three square meal in your house—or meet her basic needs she might decide to look for a man who will be able to feed her. Or if you are the uncaring type emotionally; it might make the woman to start meeting another man where her emotional and basic needs can be met.
Keep in mind that it is ALWAYS vice versa! Sometimes, it could be that the duo (husband and wife) live apart from each other because of work. PLEASE, DO NOT get me wrong! I am NOT supporting adultery or infidelity!! For example, in our neighborhood many marriages failed because of infidelity. I shall tell you about them.
Before I go on to give you some life stories of infidelities; let me tell you ONE FUNNY THING that happened to me during the course of writing this blogpost. One cool day, I was just lying on my bed and this thought came to me…I was wondering how couples cope with sexual urges when they are living far away from each other. I don’t really know what sparked that thought in me. Maybe I was feeling hot and horny that day. So the thought have to come. I remind you that sex is in our Chakras. It doesn’t matter the gender you have it with. So, as I was saying… this blogpost is the most “comfortable” one I have ever written (I decided to use the word comfortable out of Levity). Here is what happened. I got the idea of this blogpost lying on the bed. Then I also found myself typing this blogpost lying on the bed. It was a cool day too. But the difference is that I had an earpiece on my ears as I typed this blogpost and it rained.
Like I said before I am not supportive of adultery and infidelity. If you ask me “Kingsley; are you an unfaithful boyfriend, father or a cheating husband?” The only answer I have is no. I remember Virginia Duan (AKA Mandarin Mama) talked about the Scary Mommy… that’s quite wonder-full…
The question I like to ask myself is, are my a Scary Daddy? Not at all. And when you find out that you are Quirky, Maverick and vibrating the beautiful Rainbow colours it becomes even deeper. My elder sister Maureen got married in 2012. She is happily married with three children. My elder brother Bright got married in 2019 and I am the last child of my parents. One day, my mom looked at me and said of all my children you are the Quirkiest….we both burst into laughter… whether you believe it or not, I am one COOL and HOT dude. No doubt about that. I know what I am talking about. But I don’t focus more attention on my coolness and hotness. I am focusing on building a successful life for myself. To live from the place of Mindfulness and Higher Consciousness is my utmost concern! Every other thing is falling into place.
Now, without further ado let us dive into the topic for today. In our neighborhood, there was a woman married to a man. The husband works in an oil company in Warri so he visits the wife and children. It happened that the husband has not visited her and her children for one month because of work; so this woman began having affair outside. This went on for some time until one day the husband caught the wife. Though he has been hearing rumour about it; but that day Nemesis caught up on the wife. When the man found out that the woman was actually committing adultery. That was the end of the marriage.
Then the case of another neighbor who is a driver; according to what we heard it was said that the woman said that the man was not satisfying her enough sexually. Hence she is meeting another young guy outside who can satisfy her well. The husband is a driver and in his middle age. When the man learnt that the wife was cheating on him with evidence; that was the end of their marriage. But I don’t think distance is really a factor because some couples who live together do cheat. For example, the second couple whose husband is a driver—they live together. Actually, cheating occurs from both sides. Some men are fond of having concubine when they are away from home because of work. So it happen both sides.
And when you find out that you are Quirky, Maverick and vibrating “the beautiful Rainbow colours it becomes even deeper
Having seen that this is really a controversial topic I decided to carry out a questionnaire on this topic. I did the questionnaire online from two Facebook groups. Here was the question I asked as my questionnaire….
If you ask me Kingsley; are you an unfaithful boyfriend, father or a cheating husband? The only answer I have is no.
“Here is the question that I am seeking answers to….
How do married couples maintain Fidelity among themselves when they are living apart? For example; when the husband is in another state working away from his wife and children. So how will the faithfulness be like? U know sex is in our chakras and the urge can be soo strong….on the part of the Man and Woman; how can they keep or be able to maintain Fidelity even when they are living apart? And maybe the Man does not visit often….
Please I need your heart-based responses. Thanks
Anyone who wants to chide me should do so with Compassion. I’m human.”
Below are the responses I got from the people who answered my question.
Responses From People
“Wow… This is a great topic that has been affecting many homes. Do you know a man can stand the test of time without sex if truly the two of you are made for each other. I am talking from my own experience. The SP I am waiting for is a great example. I lost him through my insecurities. Although I had another relationship after we were separated for 10years,he begged me to come back to him but I refused but after 10years the spirit told me to go back to him and reconcile but unfortunately for me. He had decided to move on. I went there we had it and I was so ashamed to see him so tight and thick(I hope you get my point). I left there so down that I had betrayed his trust in me. And I will need to accept my fate but the spirit said I must wait for him that he is still faithful to me which I used to confirm through his posts on Facebook. My point now is if the lady wants him to be sincere and maintain Fidelity, I will advise 3 things I learnt through the spirit:
1. DO NOT DOUBT HIS FAITHFULNESS: Your thoughts creates your reality. Once that thought comes in claim this Affirmation or subliminal; I AM LOVE. I AM THE SWEETEST THING…NAME… LOVES TO HAVE IT WITH. HE THINKS OF ONLY ME HE IS SO SINCERE WITH ME. I AM NOW CONFIDENT I AM HIS LIFE AND LOVE ALONE. HE THINKS OF ME ALL THE TIME. ETC. You can add more.
2. LEARN MORE IN SEXUAL BOOST: Learn how to make him feel special with you in closed doors. Make his home coming the first thing that will come to his heart. Help him see how special he is to you. Practice all the method you ever heard him asking you before. Do not say no to him when he ask you, tell him to teach you that you are made for only him. This is the greatest thing a man loves to hear their woman to say.
3.NEVER ALLOW INCINERATION: Incineration is insecurity. And this is no1 enemy of a good relationship. Please even when you see it coming keep your faith on. Keep confirming your truth. Create space for what you want to create and be happy always.(very important) This is my little contribution to this. Thanks” Bolaji, The Aligned Light Inc.
“As a private investigator who specializes in infidelity, I can tell you that the #1 thing that leads to infidelity is not spending enough time together. It may not always be about sex, but it’s definitely about that lack of emotional closeness (especially for women). So the answer to maintaining fidelity is to drop the distance and spend time together. If it’s not possible due to jobs, etc…then find another job. Just my 2 cents.” Ana Falx
“Love conquers all. When you love someone on such a deep level urges are not an issue ever. Even apart. Being an oilfield wife is like being a single parent. Neither have strayed in 12 years 10 years married and 4 kids. Love when on a deep level triumphs desire. If you can’t give your entire self to someone then Love is not the main focus…Lust and Desire are.” Teri Hamilton
“Having sound character and a healthy dose of empathy. If I’m hungry and go into a restaurant that does not give me the right to snatch food off of someone else’s plate. If I am angry, that does not give me the right to strike someone else. Both of these actions would likely have legal consequences, and for many/most, those outweigh any potential benefits or reward gained from such actions. However, if I believed I am entitled to sex, do not value the feelings of my partner or the vows made, then quite simply, I am excusing my selfish desires and justifying it with an “urge.” In this case, my own satisfaction takes higher priority than the commitment and destruction of my partner and our relationship. Urges, distance, opportunity or whatever other reasoning are merely excuses that poorly cover a selfish heart that is more concerned about what they can get, than doing what is right.” AlyssaBeth Harding
“What do you prefer? You want honesty and monogamy, your only job is to focus on that! What does trust feel like? What does passion together feel like? What does freedom feel like? Remember, law of attraction is like gravity so you get what you focus in wanted and unwanted. Are you able to feel good regardless of what’s happening around you? That is unconditional alignment and that’s your best route right now since we cannot control another, nor do we want to. If it were me, I’d find many ways to feel good, besides sex. Meditation, appreciation, finding ways to conjure the feelings that see brings. In your unconditional alignment, he’ll become irrelevant and there’s literally nothing more powerful than that!!! You’ve got this!!!!! If you really can’t help yourself and need that urge settled get some toys and satisfy yourself. Even better while you’re on FaceTime/phone call with your other half. Just meditate afterwards. You’ll be a lot more relaxed.” Danielle Lumbruno Perrino
“My opinion; if you are married, but never spend time with your spouse, get divorced. What’s the point of being married if you can’t do what married people do? Suffer day after day? Nope. Life is too short, people. There are billions of people on this planet, including ones that have the ability to stay local. I’ll probably get grief from people who have military partners, but the statistics are real. With enough time away, somebody is going to cheat. Sorry to break the news. Good luck!” Jesse Hahka
“Cheating is never a mistake it is a choice. My husband cheated on me telling me that I had so many flaws that is why he cheated on me but I told him, he himself is not perfect but i did not choose to cheat on him. Told him he is just plain stupid in addition to his imperfection and I will not be blame for his stupid choice. He made his bed so lie on it.” Queen Bea
“A person either has adultery in them, or not. Period. If they do – deal with it in whatever way you choose, but changing them can only be done if they realize it and are willing to make the enormous challenge of changing. There’s very little you can do.” Hanaan Rosenthal
“The desire to be faithful is a choice. One has to be committed to themselves and the relationship to make it work. Having the technology we have, definitely makes it easier. Video chatting can include sex, you need to be creative.” Juliette Lopez
“I’ve had a situation where me and my love had to be apart for 10 months it came easy to me because I have no desire for another…In short phone calls and FaceTime helped a lot.” Sylva Mor
“How does it feel to be betrayed? Ask yourself… how would I feel if the person that I chose to be married to, share my life with, have children with decided that their carnal/ flesh urges were more important than my trust in them? Is it fair to subject my spouse to whatever I may contract from a person outside the marriage… be it a STD or some bad energy mojo? Once the trust is gone… it is really difficult to get it back. Sex is sacred. To give into the desires of the flesh, lust, with no regard to the betrayal… is still living in the illusion of the physical plane. Ego. well… that says a lot right there. If you cheat on your spouse and commit infidelity – you are committing an act of betrayal of their trust. My ex husband did it to me numerous times and then I left. Not wasting my life with someone like that I know my worth.” Stephanie Renee Hudgins
“Since we are talking of monogamy here, it is only expected to have loyalty. At all costs, period. It is a conscious choice. Believe me, I’ve been on LDR (diff countries halfway across the world in distance) before wherein the guy cheated eventually. and I am on another one now (same amount of distance like before) but the man is full of loyalty and honesty. Cheating is always done out of free will. Distance will never justify infidelity. I’m pretty sure the unfaithful one won’t agree to having a taste of his or her own medicine. There are different avenues or platforms that can be utilized to still foster sexual intimacy. And basic logic is that if you are even entertaining the thought of infidelity, no need to engage in monogamy. Just do Polyamory instead. Good luck with the writing. It’s nice to hear from a fellow writer and researcher.” Therese Medina
“When you have a connection at the deepest level, you feel as one and know that anything that is done without the thought of that oneness hurts one. You know that by hurting one, you are hurting oneself. That connection allows you to be together in any time and distance. It just needs to be kept nurtured by having faith in one and another, and always returning to that truth, even when there is nothing to hold but that faith.” Heather Lea Wightman
“Myself and my Girlfriend have been physically apart for 10 months now, and have no such worries or concerns, despite our both having high sex-drives. We’ve even laughed about this very subject Why? Because we know each other inside out, are 100% DEVOTED to each other, and Respect each other. That aside, we’re not only ‘lovers’, but Soul-mates also.” Chris Baker
“Self control and freedom to choose is what separates us from the animals.” Robert Hoyt
“We live in a mirrorverse. What you do to others will present itself in your own experience. Every. Single. Time. So people should be very careful what you do to hurt others. That will spin back into your experience and the Universe will always find balance. It’s a lesson in compassion and karma escapes no one. i.e. You waste someone’s time, yours will be wasted. That sort of thing.” Kelly Kryszak
“Once the trust is gone there is nothing left.” Andrea Clavelle
“Well… how do you cheat on someone you married, with a ring on your finger and then not feel bad about it? How would one just ignore their partners feelings completely all the while call it cheating and do it anyway?” Dave Kinniburgh
“They made a commitment not to be with other people when they got married. Not to mention if they love each other wholeheartedly, then they won’t want anyone else.” Shelley Hilburn Peak
“Women seek attention and validation from a relationship if she isn’t getting it she will find it somewhere else. As a man you want connection loyalty and support if he isn’t getting it he will step out.” Matt Phelps
“This part of faithfulness is a choice. I have seen family members who cheat when they are not even far away, I have seen family members who cheats when their husband is far. Same with some people I used to talk to. Cheating can be physical or emotional.” Glory Gonzalez
“Well fidelity was never an issue for me personally. If I’m committed I’m committed. My EX on the other hand not so much. We spent many months apart during our 26 years together as he was military. Never once was I even tempted to cheat.” Myken Auffhammer
“If they find validation in sex then fidelity is impossible. If they have sex only for connection then maintains the connection and they won’t look elsewhere to connect. It’s going to depend on how secure they are in themselves, and the strength of the relationship. In reality however you just need to decide if you could handle if they did sleep with someone else. Are they worth the risk and could you handle the fallout.” Sarah Olson
“People are going to do whatever they want. If they want to be loyal, they will. If they don’t want to be loyal, they won’t. We have these expectations of how something “should be” but is that the reality of the situation? I always say if anyone has to question ANYTHING in reference to a relationship, they already know the answer.” Tiffiney Patterson
Having talked about this, one might want to ask if there is actually a way to stop infidelity in marriage; whether the couples are living together or apart. If there is anything else you think is not added in this blogpost. Feel free to add it in the comments or send me an email and I will add it to the blogpost. I would really love to hear your thoughts.
(Photo Credits: Google Images & Getty Images)