Love, Romance and Valentine’s Day: Are They Really Connected?

The concept of Valentine’s Day celebration is something I did not understand until I graduated from college. By the way, I am Maverick. So I don’t usually follow the societal programming. For example, I “laugh” at people during Christmas celebration. That’s not say that I don’t receive Christmas gifts. I do, but there is a reason why I said I laugh at people during Christmas celebration. I will share my reasons with you in my next post.

Back to Valentine’s Day celebration; they say that the Valentine’s Day celebration is Lover’s day. I am certainly not against people who are celebrating Valentine’s Day or Christmas celebration. But I wish people would understand some things. Not because I am single is my reason for saying this. Countless times I have heard people say that they “fell in love.” I remind you that I am also quirky. So I want to add my quirkiness. Here it goes: “I don’t want to fall in love. I would rather be in love. There is a difference between the two. Falling in love and be-in Love.

When you fall in love you also fall out of love. When you are in love you are embodying love in your being. You BE-come Love. You are loved and BE-LOVED! You Do as a loving/lovely person should/would. Then you have Love—equals to: Be. Do. Have. This can also be translated to mean: be doing what you want to have…it is just my own personal opinion and belief that is unique to me. It might not make sense to others and that’s okay too.

There is something I want to share with you about this Valentine’s Day. It is from Dr. Kristin Neff. I hope you enjoy reading through it as much as I did. You should learn something from it too. Let me also add that I really agree with Dr. Kristin Neff and thanks to her for such an insightful perspective!! I believe so much in compassion: compassion on one’s self and compassion towards others; this is the message Guan Yin has been teaching us. Think about this:

“Until compassion is spread to all of creation, humanity will never find peace.”

Albert Schweitzer

Meeting Romantic Yearnings With Compassion

Dear friends,

As Valentine’s Day approaches, romance is in the air. Stores are full of bouquets and chocolate-covered strawberries, selling us myriad ways to celebrate love.

Some people are in fulfilling romantic relationships and Valentine’s Day is a wonderful opportunity to express appreciation for one’s partner. The problem, however, is the not-so-subtle message that romance is necessary for our happiness – that we need someone else to complete us.

The truth is we don’t need to connect with a romantic partner to be whole, we need to connect with our true nature to be whole. Women especially are raised with the notion that our worth stems from finding someone to love and cherish us. We’re taught that our value is derived from the adoring eyes of another, and if we aren’t in a relationship with someone who cares about us, we must be a failure.

These deep-rooted cultural beliefs are spotlighted on Valentine’s Day, and can be painful if we don’t have a partner or if our relationship isn’t what we’d like it to be

We often yearn for that feeling of intimacy, of closeness, of oneness, and feel dissatisfied if it’s lacking. These unfulfilled yearnings, though painful, are actually invaluable guideposts.  They’re signals that we’re looking in the wrong place for happiness.

Feelings of incompleteness stem from the misperception that we are separate from life, isolated individuals removed from the whole. When we give compassion to ourselves for our unfulfilled yearnings, we become that which we seek. 

By opening our hearts to our pain and remembering this shared aspect of the human experience, we experience true intimacy with life. Happiness doesn’t depend on circumstances, it arises from connecting with the loving quality of awareness, which can hold feelings of loneliness and romance equally.

So if feelings of sadness or dissatisfaction arise for you this Valentine’s Day, try to seize them as an opportunity to see through the illusion of separation. Our real Valentine is the loving nature of our own hearts.

Warmly,

Kristin Neff

https://self-compassion.org/