Learn how to change your destructive routines and mental habits by examining the beliefs that limit you.
To break a negative pattern that repeats over and over again, whether it’s a big pattern such as, “I always pick the wrong man,” to a little pattern such as, “I always seem to forget to call so and so” (because I really don’t want to), both have a common thread in that it is some form of resistance to being in the flow of magic and feeling powerful. Every negative pattern has its root in some belief in limitation, whether others gave it to you, such as your well intentioned mother telling you that, “You can’t trust men,” because she happened to end up with a womanizing alcoholic drunk, as in the first example of, “I always pick the wrong man.” Or it is born out of some prior experience where you made up a limiting belief of your own, such as “whenever I talk to that person, we always get into an argument; therefore, I don’t want to talk to them,” as in the second example of, “I always forget to call so and so.”
Beliefs are powerful things. I’m sure you’ve heard the concept that thoughts are things and that everything has a vibration or frequency. If thoughts are things, then they also have a frequency. You’ve probably also heard that like attracts like. So the thoughts you are putting out there are attracting like things unto themselves. Well, your beliefs are thoughts that something is true and will attract to you what you believe. Your beliefs set up the parameters of what you will experience. You will not experience something outside of what you believe. That is why by your belief that, “You can’t trust men,”— you can go to a party and across a crowded room, you never seem to be able to find a valiant man, but you have an uncanny ability to pick out and be attracted to the only “heel” there. How powerful is that?
It is also why you conveniently forget to call that person because there is a belief that if you talk to them there is going to be a big hassle based on a cause and effect relationship that you have put on the situation and you don’t want to deal with it. You hear people say, “I would not believe it if I didn’t see it.” Well, it’s the other way around. The reason you saw it was because you believed it and the proof serves to reinforce your beliefs and patterns which keeps them in place and keeps them happening over and over again. So, how can you break out of negative patterns caused by beliefs that repeat over and over?
These Patterns can only be broken in the following ways:
First of all you have to own that you are the creator of your reality. This puts you into your own power and takes you out of victim consciousness. You must also own that you created the pattern out of the acceptance that you had of a limited belief made available to you by others or one that you made up for yourself.
Whenever a negative pattern that repeats itself shows up, thank the universe for showing you this pattern again because now you have the opportunity to recognize, “I am not creating my own reality, or I am pretending not to create my own reality and here’s a place where I can take my power back and I can make a new choice.”
Now, from a powerful reality creator position, change your belief by realizing for example that that was your mother’s belief of her reality that she gave to you and you decided to accept it because if you analyze it, that belief isn’t true. The reality is there are men out there who are good and true and faithful but by your belief, you will never meet them. Realize that the only reason you are getting the ensuing outcome is because through the Law of Attraction, the universe if fulfilling your belief. So, do whatever you need to do to change the belief that isn’t serving you. In my practice, I teach people how to access their Subconscious and Unconscious Minds where beliefs are stored and I teach them how to replace their current belief with a new belief.
With your new belief in place, make a different choice and with your intention, inform the Universe that this is your new choice. This will break you out of the old pattern. And as like attracts like, your reality will have no other alternative but to reflect back to you your new belief. Yes, beliefs are powerful thing.
Breaking Out of Negative Family Patterns
Now that we have seen the ways patterns work—what about negative family patterns? Every family has their own patterns (good and bad). These patterns were passed down from the ancestors. Even in the Bible there is a place in the Old Testament where it says that the sins of the forefathers will continue to affect the children from the first to the fourth generations…what do you do if you are born into a dysfunctional family filled with strife, malice, hatred, jealousy and disunity—how do you handle such siblings and family members? There is a way to navigate through these situations and patterns. You do not fight darkness with darkness; and against the power of light there can be no victory. First, if you notice that you are born into a dysfunctional family; the first thing is to observe the exact type of pattern that exist in your family; then you FORGIVE.
Forgiveness does not mean swallowing the garbage energies from the family members/siblings; you should set a healthy boundary and keep your distance as much as you can. The reason why those family members/siblings are behaving the way they are doing is because they are living with lower consciousness; hence they are not healed—of course they know what they are doing. Since they are not in the light; you are better off avoiding them. Even it means cutting them of in any way that will promote your sanity, peace and mental health. Another reason why you should forgive your parents is: chances are they are not aware as you were now–for if they were they probably would not have done and said those things they said and did to you in your childhood or teenage years–same reason why you have to forgive your siblings as well. But, whether they were vulnerable then or not–more aware then or not–forgiveness is the surest way to commence the process of breaking and liberating yourself from those negative family patterns; as Dr. Sue Morter excellently said in Miracles Activation (featuring Marci Shimoff). I will attach the audio of Miracles of Activation by Marci Shimoff and Dr. Sue Morter in this post for you—I have found it very useful and I am sure you will. Breaking out of negative family patterns usually starts with recognizing that a pattern exists, then deliberately building different habits, boundaries, and ways of thinking over time. The difficult part is that family patterns often feel “normal” because they were repeated for years.
“…in those moments when those negative patterns were initiated we were vulnerable—trying our best—doing what we could…and those negative patterns were part of our plan that we may confront them, move through them, conquer them and rise above them to become the infinite potential that we are because we are pure potentiality and divine.” Dr. Sue Morter
Practical Ways to Break Out of Negative Family Patterns
Identify the Recurring Pattern
Instead of “my family is toxic,” narrow it to observable behaviors. Figure out what role you learned: Families often train people into roles: peacemaker, caretaker, scapegoat, achiever and invisible one. Understanding your role helps explain why certain situations trigger automatic reactions.
Separate Loyalty from Repetition
You can love your family and still refuse to continue harmful dynamics. Breaking a pattern is not betrayal; it’s choosing a healthier way to live.
Learn the Skills your Environment did not Teach
Many patterns persist because nobody modeled alternatives. Learning: emotional intelligence, critical thinking, communication, conflict resolution, parenting skills and boundary setting. Growth is often less about “fixing yourself” and more about acquiring missing tools.
Change Behavior before Waiting for Feelings to Change
You may still feel guilty, anxious, or afraid while setting healthier boundaries. New behavior usually comes first; emotional comfort catches up later. Expect resistance; families tend to preserve familiar dynamics. When one person changes, others may react with: guilt, anger, mockery, pressure to “go back to normal.” Resistance does not automatically mean your change is wrong.
Build Relationships Outside the Patterns
Healthy friendships, mentors, support groups, faith communities and soul tribes can help normalize healthier interaction styles. It is hard to sustain change in total isolation.
Focus on Consistency, not Perfection
People often think they have “failed” because they slipped into old reactions once or twice. Patterns built over decades usually change through repeated small corrections. Some useful reflective questions:
“What did I think was normal growing up that actually hurts me now?”
“What behavior stops with me?”
“What kind of home or relationships do I want to create instead?”
“When do I act from fear, obligation, or guilt rather than choice?”
If the patterns involve abuse, addiction, violence, or severe emotional harm, outside support from a counselor, spiritual teacher/guru, trusted elder, or support organization can make a major difference. You do not have to untangle deeply rooted dynamics alone.
A lot of generational change looks ordinary from the outside:
Apologizing when your parents never did
Speaking calmly instead of exploding
Saving money consistently
Expressing affection openly
Refusing manipulation
Allowing rest without guilt
These small repeated choices are often how negative family cycles are actually broken. Be Empowered, Be Liberated and stay Divine!
An extract from this post was gotten from Beliefnet (https://www.beliefnet.com/wellness/health/emotional-health/how-to-break-out-of-negative-patterns.aspx)
Kingsley Osajie 