“She MUST DIE Before Me”!

When you hear the kind of life orientation and mentality of some people you will be dumbfounded. You begin to ask yourself what kind of blood is flowing in such person’s body. No doubt, we are living in a patriarchal society…some times when I remember my experience from whence the title of this post came from I am left dumbfounded and shrugging my shoulder in WONDER.

It was during the Christmas season in 2020; I went to a meeting—that meeting is a contribution meeting where they share foodstuffs at the end of the year. But I am not a member of the meeting. I went there to represent my brother as he was not around. There in the meeting, there is this pandemonium which can be either a good one or bad one. In such gatherings altercations are not left out. I actually minded my own business and acted as a spectator; they shared palm wine (known as Ozuu) in my native language. I love palm wine because it is natural and nourishing!

As we were enjoying the palm wine; a lady walked into the compound to fetch water—and then came a murmuring and uproar…one man sitting opposite me gave the lady a nasty look and hissed with anger. “Women of nowadays are nothing to write home about…how can a woman be wearing that kind of dress….”? The young lady was wearing a tight trouser showing the shape of her body and skin. I am sure she did not know they were talking about her. Some of the men in the meeting were laughing while others were joined in the scolding.

The man who began talking about the lady took it very personal because he was very angry. “Don’t be surprised that this lady is married and she is dressing like this…” he said with resentment. “That is why I have said that my wife must die before me. She must die before me.” He affirmed emphatically and passionately. One man among them asked him his reason for saying such statement and he answered: “If I die before my wife she will have the privilege to start dressing the way she likes; another man will take her and start having relationship with her. Even in my grave I will not be happy with her and I will seek revenge. So she must die before me that is the only way there will be peace…”

“So you do not want your wife to have a companion if you are dead. Besides, don’t you think two of you will grow old together and by that time you must have finished training your children and it will be just the two of you? Or is it not your wish for the two of you to grow old together”? Another man told him. “Men often die before their wives because of the struggles and suffering men pass through in order to provide for their wife and children. So if I die before my wife another man will come and take and start enjoying what I have labored for. That cannot happen! She must die before me! From his countenance one could tell easily that he is a vindictive and malicious person—the territorial and jealous partners!

I could not believe my ears and eyes when I heard him say these. In my mind, I was like: now the poor wife is at home innocent; maybe she is hurrying to prepare meal for her beloved husband and the so-called beloved husband is outside planning evil ahead of her! Too bad! In my own opinion and full transparency; I do not think this man is a good man. He does not love the wife—otherwise why would he have such plans.

On the other hand do you think a wife would say such or wish such for her husband?